Blought #5 'Gotta Love Sparknotes'

At the tender age of 21 I have spent 76% of my life in school. I've written countless papers and essays and I've taken plenty of test. I've also been forced to read a decent amount of books that I didn't like. The coolest thing about my generation is that invention called the Internet. Thanks to Google Scholar and Wikipedia fuck all encyclopedias. Now, thanks to Sparknotes I never have to read another lame book again. I was recently assigned “Northanger Abbey” by Jane Austen. Sorry, but most straight men don’t do Jane Austen and her lame ass 18th century literature.

Thanks to Sparknotes, I turned that little teenaged love fest into a quick ten minute read. Sparknotes not only gives you the plot, but it also gives you a character list and  a list of themes used in the story. All the garbage your professor wants you to look for and you don’t care for is there. Writing a five page analysis has never been easier. Only downside is some titles aren't there. Most of the time some of your bigger name titles are there. Sparknotes is sure to get you through those 250-page novels that don’t grab your attention but you have to write a paper on it. All I can say is thank god I’m not an English major.

Blought #4 'The Gift and Curse of Leggings'

     I love women. I love them so much that when I see one I really find attractive, I tend to stare at them and undress them with my eyes (creep, but I don’t care). I love a woman with nice curves and tight pants. When leggings became an actual article of clothing  to be worn outside the house I was extremely excited. Sadly like most things attractive women wear some women abuse leggings. I know people in stores lie to you for commission, but selling you leggings when you aren’t fit for them is taking it too far.
     First off, overweight  women need to stop it. Sexy big women do exist, but leggings just isn’t your thing. Your stomach hangs over the waistband and your ass looks like a worn out pillow. Like the one your grandparents always give you when you sleep over and you wake up with a sore neck. Just stop it, get sexy in another article of clothing. Pencil thin girls, you also need to knock it off too. When leggings are baggy in the butt region you are too damn skinny for leggings.
     I’m not too up on styles for women but I think leggings as stand alone pants is kind of gross Most of the time you have camel toe. I wear skinny jeans, I know how hot genitals can get in tight pants. Your sweaty moose knuckle is not attractive. Wear a shirt that covers that are up or a skirt or something. One last guideline in my opinion is no sparkly, glittery, neon colored, or animal print leggings. Basic colors are good enough. If you wear any ridiculous patterns I should be able to offer you $20 for a blowjob and you not get offended. Listen to these wise words and you won’t look like an idiot the next time you wear leggings.

Blought #3 'Netflix Done Saved my Life'

Don’t you just hate those long miserable nights when there’s absolutely nothing to watch? You’re on the couch and you've just passed the 1000’s for the third time. Then you start to wonder, “how in the hell do I pay over $100 a month for all these channels and I still cant find anything to watch”. Well I’m here to tell you that I haven’t had that problem in over four months, thanks to Netflix. I think one night before Al Gore went to sleep he looked to the sky and prayed to the internet gods for a solution to television boredom. When he awoke, he had a Netflix subscription. Wikipedia should cite me for that.

When I look at my life before the almighty Netflix, I see TV with no color or sound. Now I have the greatest invention since internet porn streaming right into my XBOX. I haven’t had HBO or Starz in about six or seven years but ever since Netflix those channels mean nothing to me. Sometimes when you channel surf you have a mood set for what you want to watch. Netflix will meet those needs. Bored? Watch an action movie. Babysitting? Search all of the children’s categories. Want to relive your childhood? Watch Rocky and Bullwinkle, GI Joe (the cool 80’s version), or watch old Nickelodeon shows from the 90’s. You can even watch it on your tablet or phone for those long car rides and family get-togethers you don’t remember agreeing to go to.

You know the selection of shows and movies is absurdly huge when the suggested categories include “Suspenseful Spy Thrillers“, “Asian Action Movies“, and “Family-friendly Talking-animal Animation“. You might as well pay the $7.99 a month for stream when you already pay an extra $10 bucks on a package for one specific channel but that package includes 15 channels you don’t watch. So to Netflix and Al Gore’s prayers one nigh full of boredom, I thank thee.

Blought #2 'Mike and Us 90's Babies'

In recognition of His Airness’ upcoming 50th birthday, I've decided to share my thoughts on his impact of American culture in the eyes of a 90’s baby (I’m old enough to be nostalgic now).Other than  Kobe and Lebron most of us 90’s kids don’t have much memory of any other player who has dominated the game of basketball. I could bring up Shaq or Dirk but Kobe and Lebron are the only players comparable to MJ. By the time we could begin recollecting any memories of Mike he was past his prime and glory days. He was drafted in ’84, won his first ring a month before I was born, and  retired when I was about six. When you look at Lebron, the guy who has dominated the NBA since I was about twelve, idolized Mike. The guy who most kids looked up to in my generation, idolized the greatest ever. Talk about leaving your mark on the game.

MJ’s legacy isn’t exclusive to the court, but American culture period. One of my favorite movies ever starred Mike himself. In Space Jam, the world’s greatest basketball player was playing alongside Warner Bros. cartoon elite. Mike didn't put on an Oscar winning performance or anything, but watching that movie at five years old was better than an All Star game. The movie was so huge, it even garnered it’s own shoe, the “Space Jam 11’s”

It doesn't matter how much basketball you watch, how many times you’ve seen  Space Jam, or even if you don’t care about the man, the largest impact Jordan has left may be his shoes. His shoe brand has had 28 official player models and a few other models including the Phat and Spizike. Jordan and his shoe has dominated the sneaker culture for almost three decades. That’s a pretty impressive stretch. Kids who have never even seen him play line up for his shoes on those early Saturday mornings (I've been to my share of releases).

What else can you say, the man practically created the endorsement. He endorsed the hot dog you ate, the white t-shirt you spilled mustard on,  and created the shoe that had you wanting to be “like Mike”. Mike has not only left his impact on the game of basketball, but he’s left an impact on American culture as a whole. From my 90’s baby eyes, that impact is pretty big.

Blought #1 'Can A Kid Be A Kid These Days?'

Remember the 90's, I do. It was a time when all was well and the US was worry free. At least my pre-pubescent mind thought so. The only things I was worried about pre-2000 was Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. That was the golden age of cartoons for me. Cartoon Cartoon Fridays was the best part of my week. Dexter's Lab, Power Puff Girls, and Johnny Bravo were some of my favorite shows to watch. It was cool being a kid at that time in the world of television. Those characters gave me an escape from my chores, spelling test, and teachers constantly calling my mom about my behavior.

Today television is far from what I knew 15 years ago. Everything is live action and real people. I hated shows with real people until I was 12. Today all I see is teen stars talking boy business and becoming sex symbols when their shows go off air (Hi Miley). Dee Dee and Bubbles never were the talk of the town because of racy photos. It's almost as if childlike innocence doesn't exist anymore in children's programming. I know these shows are intended for teens but I'm sure  8 year old kids are watching this stuff too.

I don't know how to feel when a kid watches t.v. today and all they see is kissing and crushes and drama. ABC Family is the worst. Some of the shows I've seen on there are frightening. I don't think that Secret Life show is appropriate for a 12 year old girl to watch. What happened to Kim Possible and Penny Proud? Sure they had crushes, but it was animated and rarely the main focal point of the show if ever. Programming isn't very family oriented when high school kids have sex and get pregnant. (change your channel's name at least)

I would just like to know will my future daughter or daughters be subjected to images of teen stars on television kissing boys and being caught up on boys, to being on tabloids because of a drunken night on the strip at 17. The real question is can kids be kids today, or is television and other media outlets making them grow up too fast?